


Who Writes the History Books?

by AlynnaStrong



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Conspiracy, Dark, Gen, Period-Typical Sexism, Season 8 Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 01:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20219905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlynnaStrong/pseuds/AlynnaStrong
Summary: What if none of it was true?





	Who Writes the History Books?

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know what? I'm not even gonna tag this as crack because the supplemental ASoIaF books are all under the conceit that they’re written by a maester, and sometimes you can detect some biases in them. This is just that dialed up to 11.

Seneshal Treyson lifted his scepter of office above his head to call the meeting to order. A prematurely aged man, at 55 he looked at least 15 years older. The thankless task of leading the Citadel will do that. Soon his time would come to an end, but he meant for the accomplishments enshrined this evening to outlive him by centuries.

“I have received the reports from the leading maesters of each of the kingdom’s territories, the chief of librarians, and the Bard’s College. I thank you gentlemen for your service. And to everyone present at this solemn gathering, I pray you take a moment to appreciate all the work that has led up to this pivotal evening. Tonight we will change history! And with the help of young maester Gutten’s movable type machine, we can copy and distribute our codified version of the end of the Targaryen dynasty and the war against the Others – or the Fall of Ice and Fire as I call it – in weeks rather than years. Soon our definitive account will be the only one that matters.

“To that end, let us revisit our major, umm, points of contention so that we have our story straight, as it were.

“Naturally, a major theme we’ll weave throughout the narrative is that disaster occurs whenever women try to hold power. The records show, of course, some very good male rulers as well as some very inept ones. Unfortunately, Kings Tommen, Joffrey, Richard, and Aerys II were all fairly poor, while Queen Cersei did a decent service for her kingdoms. She kept them out of a hopeless war in the North and paid down the realm’s debt. Many of the King’s Landing survivors remembered her quite fondly in comparisons to the kings they’d lived through.”

The archmaester of ravenry stood to be recognized. “A king or queen does not rule on their own. The small council handles much of the logistical work, and she appointed good men to hers. We can credit them with the responsible decisions. Oh, and if I recall correctly, one of Queen Cersei’s most famous portraits has her holding a cup of wine. Perhaps we exaggerate her affection for the grape, so that by the end she’s merely passively drinking as the city burns.”

“Very nice, Jacobian. That is a worthy addition. Anyone else?”

A junior maester of healing piped up. “There are the long standing rumors about her and her twin brother. Confirming that her children were bastards would show the wanton nature of women.”

“Hmm, yes, I will consider it, though it may be a stretch to say anything can be proven by hair color alone. Still, Jaime Lannister is a problem in his own right, so perhaps it’s a way to kill two birds with one stone. He knighted a woman, and she went on to knight others. Women still use her name to try to gain access everywhere, including our august body!”

“Surely enough time has passed that she-” the archmaester of warcraft began.

“No.” The archmaester of histories looked abashed at his own interjection. “I apologize, archmaester, but if you were preparing to suggest sullying the name of Brienne of Tarth, please take my counsel that it will not succeed. She is celebrated in every song of the wars, and her legend continues to grow. Now they say she never told a lie and have entirely forgotten that her appellation of ‘the Beauty’ was sarcastic. No, the songs have made her untouchable. We’ll have to discredit Ser Jaime instead.”

“I suppose the incest, then. I was considering if somehow he couldn’t be responsible for King Bran’s injury, the one that broke his back and gave him brain damage. Perhaps there’s a way to intertwine the two. I will give it more thought.

“As to Queen Daenerys, her path should be fairly straightforward. Her formative years were spent with the Dothraki. She knew nothing but conquest and brutality, so when she came to Westeros, naturally that’s how she proceeded. The razing of King’s Landing has been covered well enough in story, song, and popular histories that we will barely need to elaborate.”

A maester of Esson lore gestured to speak. “You say truly, Seneschal Treyson, but the tales spun in Essos are very different. They speak of a gentle, young girl who freed slaves everywhere she traveled and refused to desert her people no matter how hopeless the situation. The dragons, of course, gave her a near mythic quality among the small folk. I think we’ll need to explain her motivation to burn the city or a core of disbelief will remain.”

“She’s a Targaryen. They’re insane. They burn things. Isn’t that enough?”

“If you’ll humor me, just a bit more could be added to the mix. Perhaps she lost many friends in the war? A lover? Something that would set her off right after the city surrendered would be ideal.”

The Seneschal's temper burst forth. “Listen, you know as well as I do what really happened. Jon Snow insisted he was the rightful heir to the throne, but Daenerys wouldn’t yield, so he slew her in a fit of passion. The violent death of his so-called mother caused Drogon to lose control, and in his rage he torched the city, setting off caches of Arys’ wildfire. But we can’t write that because the North damn near worships Snow for masterminding the strategy against the Others, and relations with the North are touchy enough as it is.”

“What if they were lovers?”

“More incest? Really?”

“Well, they were Targaryens. How’s this: she wanted to marry him to unify their claims to the throne. He rejected her because he didn’t want to be king. That’s a nice touch of humility, right? Then, twisted by the rejection, she takes to the skies and burns the city. He reluctantly slays her afterward because he’s convinced she’s turned into a tyrant.”

“Perfect. Everyone knows there’s no limit to what a woman scorned will do.”

When the laughter died down, a maester from the Riverlands stood. “What of Queen Yara of the Iron Islands? You can’t go into a pub within a mile of the coast and not hear a drinking song about her. Furthermore, she's a bit hard to slander. Even if we say she was a drunkard and a whoremonger, well, that’s in the songs. Some of the most popular verses, in fact. They liked that about her.”

“"It’s the Iron Islands. Who really cares?” the Seneschal asked scornfully. "They’re Ironborn. They have a bunch of weird legends. They can have her as well. No one in their right mind believes a word from an Ironborn’s mouth anyway." 

He turned his attention to a tall, grey-eyed man who'd taken to his feet. "Maester Shevon? You have some thoughts about the Queen in the North?”

The maester representing the Northern contingent nodded once. “I believe we’ve saved the hardest queen for last. Queen Sansa will pose a huge problem. She ruled the North for many prosperous and peaceful decades, and the North remembers. There is no way to denigrate her reputation without the Northern people burning our book for kindling.”

“I gave her a great deal of consideration. Northerners admire suffering. Stalwartness. Stoicism. So, we emphasize those traits in her, but to a preternatural degree. We can invent an abusive marriage to explain why she turned so far from her womanly nature. Yes, she ruled well, but more in the style of a man. Most women couldn't hope to survive that level of suffering, or frankly would even want to try.”

“Pardon me,” a bespectacled junior maester of mathematics rose. “I'm sorry to go backwards, but I believe there is a contradiction. How can we tell of the months-long battle against the Others with Daenerys and Jon riding their dragons to burn white walkers if they are supposed to be assembling their forces for an assault on King's Landing?”

"Oh, we'll just have them go back and forth from Winterfell to Dragonstone several times."

"But-"

"I know. But no one today can prove how fast dragons could fly. The bigger concern is that the entire section on the Others is admittedly rather disorganized.” The Seneschal cast an irritated glare at the archmaester of higher mysteries who returned an insolent shrug. “I found it very difficult to weave a coherent narrative there, so that area underwent extensive revisions. I gave the Others a leader, a Night King, as a figurehead who could be slain to end the war in one quick blow.”

“Ah, and Jon Snow will do the deed?”

“No, we don't want to encourage any more hero-worship for him. Instead, I've created an entirely new character – still a Stark, but a young woman called Arya – who will have trained as an assassin and will sneak in to kill the Night King. Then, she'll leave Westeros to explore the Western sea, conveniently removing her from the histories.”

“A girl? Shouldn't it be a brave young man?”

The Seneschal gave a cunning smile. “Ah, but much like the songs of Brienne, this girl is too good to be true. She sets a standard no one real could meet.”

They were nearing the end of his list. The Seneschal gave a wrapping up wave of his hand. “Obviously King Bran the Broken was not a delusional, brain damaged placeholder, but a visionary who wisely chose the perfect small council to tend to the realm while he dwelt on greater matters. There were no strategic assassinations to bring Dorne back in line. Bronn of the Blackwater's claim to Highgarden was perfectly legal... somehow. I admit the suggestions on that one were on the sparse side, but I'll write something plausible. Anyone wish to bring up any pressing matters before we recess?”

The Archmaester of the histories stood. “Only one occurs to me. How are we going to get away with this? Surely the people will figure out that all their accounts say one thing and we say another. Won't they realize we're leading the tale for our own ends?”

“Ah, they might, but I did forget to mention Sam. Yes, I wrote us into the story as well, in the form of a harmless, cowardly, bumbling but still lovable acolyte. Sam would never hurt anyone. Sam is loyal, honest, and true hearted. Sam will become the foremost maester in everyone's mind. A sweet oaf, far too helpful and trusting to ever be part of a conspiracy.”

The room filled with cynical laughter as the Seneschal banged his scepter on the ground, dismissing them back to their duties in the most powerful houses in the realm.


End file.
